READ THIS!

Welcome to the Therian Guide forums.

You really have to follow these instructions! Instructions will update as you progress.

If you wish to post on, or access most of the content of our forum and our community, please click here to register first, then follow the instructions below. If you have already registered, please log in, in the above "Hello There, Guest!" box.

Thanks for understanding and see you around.



Post Reply 
"Coming Out" - A Youngster's Guide
ViaraAmethyst
Member is Offline
A Concoction
Theriotype: Geoffroy’s Cat, Copperhead
Experience: Therian
Connection: Psychological, Spiritual
Reputation: 3
Contribution: tick 
.$team..$team.

.
Post: #1
"Coming Out" - A Youngster's Guide
GREETINGS

If you are reading this, you most likely have been considering telling someone about your therianthropy, and if so, you are in the right place.

I have spent a lot of time researching this topic and have asked around TG for adult therian's coming out stories and experiences, and i am here now to share with you what i have learned, and hope that it helps some young pup out there looking for support in their decision to come out as therian.

PLEASE READ THOROUGHLY BEFORE PROCEEDING TO COME OUT TO ANY HUMAN

.

THE RISKS

Coming out is, in it's own right, a terrifying thing to do for any individual, and this is true for good reason.
For the vast majority of us, coming out is a very dangerous thing to do - it can lead to the loss of family, friends, loved ones, partners, caretakers, jobs, careers, and for others, it can lead to being kicked out of the house, education and financial resources cut off, being disowned by one's own parents, bullying by peers, mental abuse, physical abuse,
and in the absolute worst case scenario, if told to the wrong individual, it could lead to murder.

Overall, coming out is a very dangerous act, and is never recommended.
.

BUT WHY?

So, if coming out is so dangerous, why do it at all?

The majority of the adult therians in our community are content with never coming out.
This is mainly because the majority of us have had a lot of time to absorb and make sense of what we are, what's happening to us, learn how to cope with it in various different ways, and grow with it.
They also have had a plentiful amount of time to mature and learn their place on this big round ball of water and dirt we all live on.

This is not to say that there aren't valid reasons for wanting to come out.

There are therians who might find it necessary to come out - some have incredibly intense shifts, some have shifts that interact with mental conditions they have, and those therians might have to tell their partners or parents what's happening to get the help or understanding they need, There are therians who perhaps their types have an affect on how they interact with others and perhaps they just need to explain to someone close to them, and there are many other perfectly valid reasons for coming out that is up to each individual to weigh out the risk vs reward for themselves.
However, the absolute most common reason that anyone comes out is EXCITEMENT!
Being a newly awakened youngster/pup is such an incredibly exciting event!
Wow! You just made this great big discovery about yourself, you just HAVE to tell SOMEONE!!
Right?

For those of us who grew up on the internet, and communities we could turn to, this is a relatable sensation.
Youngsters / Pups, believe it or not, not only are you new to therianthropy, but you are new to being alive. You are a brand new being just learning what the world is like, and what it's like to grow.
Growing is an exciting thing, and growing means learning yourself as you learn the world around you.
As a result, many of you might have your hearts set on telling your bestie all about how you're a fox and how that explains everything that's ever happened to you, or maybe you want to go talk to dad about what its like to be a wolf, or maybe you want to ask your sister if she feels like a cat too, or who knows what you wanna do when you come out!
Well i'm here to tell you, hold your horses.
If you're going to come out, you need to be prepared for the worst.


.

SOME ADVICE FROM UN-CLOSETED THERIANS

From @B3W1tch3dSparr0w

Quote:The only thing I really have for you is this. If they seem to be okay with trans people, chances are they are probably okay with therians. Before when I briefly mentioned these "people", as if I weren't therian, they were in a bit of a shock, expressing how these people shouldn't exist. This heavily detered me for some time. But then, I built up my confidence... They were okay with me being trans, and I know they wouldn't disown me for my identity at all. So one day, I ended up telling my brother. I explained what it was to him, and while he was in slight shock, he calmed down and expressed how it made sense... I've shifted around him since I was little, and he remembered this. How I randomly turned cat like. It made sense to him finally. He expressed how he may be snake hearted as he can relate to the qualities of a snake, and we actually got along, and it made me so relieved. Then one day, I also told my mother. My mother just did not care lol. Everytime I talk about it, it's like talking to a brick wall admittedly, but at least she isn't upset over it or whatever. So just in general, be cautious. Do not push to out yourself to your family if you feel it is unsafe to do so.


From @TheUnknownGame

Quote:take it slow. You don't have to come out to all your loved ones at once, especially to the people who you're not sure about being accepting towards you; on the off-chance that the one you just came out to doesn't treat you well afterwards, it's better to burn just one bridge instead of all of them at once. (And if that one person tends to blab secrets and/or spread rumors, you probably shouldn't tell them at all.)

But even if you're pretty sure they'll take it well, it can help to have some mental breathing room and cooldown time after coming out to someone; it can be an anxiety-inducing experience no matter who you're having the conversation with. I've only come out to my sibling so far, after finding out that they're okay with therians in general, and have been slowly mustering the courage to come out to one of my mothers for the last several months (you can take more or less time, depending on what feels right to you). Yes, it can suck having to hide yourself from your loved ones (believe me, I know), but taking the time to gauge their reactions and opinions, and rehearsing what you might say to them, may help make the eventual end of that road less painful and scary.



.

ABSOLUTE NO-GOES
NEVER DO THE FOLLOWING UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES
These actions are GARUANTEED to result in harmful treatment and bullying in some form or fashion.

  • Wearing an animal mask in public
  • Wearing a tail in public
  • Acting like an animal in public
  • Barking, meowing, scratching, hissing, etc at people
  • Doing quadrobics of any kind in public
  • Telling random kids at your school about therianthropy
  • Announcing to groups of people of people that you're therian
  • Posting about your therianthropy in social media where your classmates or family can see for themself.

The above actions will ALWAYS result in negative backlash.
If you do any of the above after reading this... well, let's just say you get what's coming to you.

.

ALWAYS
  • Ensure you're only telling 1-2 people at a time.
  • Ensure the person you're telling is someone you are very close with
  • Ensure that they are a safe individual to tell and can be trusted to keep it to themself
  • Be in a private setting when you tell them
  • Approach the situation gently and cautiously
  • If they show signs that they will react negatively, stop
  • Be prepared to take up for yourself or defend yourself in the worst case scenario.
  • If you're having doubts, don't do it.


.

STEP-BY-STEP

If you've gotten yourself this far, then you must be pretty darned committed to the idea of coming out.

Step 1: Test the Waters

Testing the waters is done by asking the person you're looking to come out to general questions about things somewhat related to therianthropy.
These can be questions like;
"So what are you opinions on transgender rights?"
"What do you think about transgender people?"
"What do you think about furries?"

If the person to whom you're speaking happens to be a furry, you can ask some more direct questions,such as
"What do you think about people who identify as an animal?"
or straight up; "What do you think about therians?"
(Please note that around half of the furry fandom is anti-therian, and regards us as a "disgrace to the fandom")


These simple tests can draw out excellent tell-tale signs of what's to come if you were to tell someone about your therianthropy.
If they respond negatively to any of the above questions, DO NOT TELL THAT PERSON.
Telling a person who has negative responses to even just 1 of these generalized questions can result in harmful, or even traumatizing, backlash.

Step 2: Hypotheticals
Okay, if they passed the first test, then you are clear to move on to some more specific questions or statements.
What you're looking for now is a more in-depth look at their specific views.
These can be prompted by saying things like
"If you knew someone who identified as an animal, what would you do?"
"What would you think it would be like to be an animal trapped in a human body?"
"Do you think its possible to be an animal trapped in a human body?"

These questions may or may not prompt further questioning from the person, so tread carefully. Use common sense and if it feels like it's not safe to come out to them, don't. Make up an excuse and change the subject.

Step 3: Tell them.

At this point if everything has gone smoothly thus far, then it is most likely safe to tell them.
Tell them that you are a therian, and explain to them what a therian is, why you feel thast way, and so forth.
Only tell them the amount of detail you feel comfortable going into with them.
and again, if at any point they begin showing signs of reacting negatively towards what you're telling them, stop right there, and end the conversation as smoothly and promptly as possible, and never bring it up again.

.

FOOTNOTE
I truly do hope this helps someone out there.
Again, this guide is only intended for those of you who are truly set out to tell someone.
It is not advised that you should ever come out, however if you are determined to do so, we would all much rather you go in prepared, rather than doing something that will come back to bite you in the face.

Also, if you find any typos or have anything important you would like to see added in the post, please let me know!

[Image: IMG_6932.png?ex=65698c0b&is=6557...9&]
(This post was last modified: 2024-01-05 7:39 by ViaraAmethyst.)
2024-01-05 7:07
Save
Quote
Give Thanks
Wolf.Dog
Member is Offline
Pup
Theriotype: River Wolf, Arctic Wolf, Arctic Fox, Ginger cat
Experience: Therian, Otherkin
Connection: Psychological, Spiritual
Reputation: 3
Contribution: tick 
.$team..$team..$team..$team.

.
Post: #2
RE: "Coming Out" - A Youngster's Guide
The fact that this is so in depth is amazing, thank you so much for the help. This is honestly the best guide I've seen. hip hip horray

Small minds cant comprehend big spirits.
To be great, you have to be willing to be
mocked,
hated,
and misunderstood.
Stay Strong!
uthere snep
2024-01-05 19:24
Save
Quote
Give Thanks
Ashfur
Member is Offline
Pup
Theriotype: n/a
Experience: Otherkin
Connection: Psychological, Spiritual
Reputation: 16
Contribution: tick tick 
.$team.

Post: #3
RE: "Coming Out" - A Youngster's Guide

Quote:(Please note that around half of the furry fandom is anti-therian, and regards us as a "disgrace to the fandom")

Damn, really? That's disappointing, especially for an LGBTQ+ majority fandom that's supposed to be welcoming and accepting.
Why am I just now discovering that the furry fandom isn't all flowers & rainbows?


2024-01-06 0:57
Save
Quote
Give Thanks
ViaraAmethyst
Member is Offline
A Concoction
Theriotype: Geoffroy’s Cat, Copperhead
Experience: Therian
Connection: Psychological, Spiritual
Reputation: 3
Contribution: tick 
.$team..$team.

.
Post: #4
RE: "Coming Out" - A Youngster's Guide

(2024-01-06 0:57)Ashfur Wrote:  Why am I just now discovering that the furry fandom isn't all flowers & rainbows?


, it’s very easy to overlook, especially at your age.
The furry fandom is also a fairly dangerous place for pups such as yourself. Pedophilia, Grooming, brainwashing, and so forth are.. abhorrently abundant in the fandom.

It’s possible that people are hiding their hatred of therianthropy from you in the favor of grooming you further.

As someone who entered the Brony & Furry fandom at the age of 11 and experienced the brunt-end of the pedophilia, I would highly recommend that you choose your furry peers wisely.

Just.. be careful.
It’s a good community and it’s a fun hobby, but the malicious WILL happily seek you out and target you, given the chance.


[Image: IMG_6932.png?ex=65698c0b&is=6557...9&]
2024-01-06 1:16
Save
Quote
Give Thanks
Siris
Member is Offline
Shaker of stick
Theriotype: Kitsune
Experience: Therian, Otherkin
Connection: Psychological, Spiritual
Reputation: 26
Contribution: tick tick 
.$team.

Post: #5
RE: "Coming Out" - A Youngster's Guide

(2024-01-06 1:16)ViaraAmethyst Wrote:  

(2024-01-06 0:57)Ashfur Wrote:  Why am I just now discovering that the furry fandom isn't all flowers & rainbows?


, it’s very easy to overlook, especially at your age.
The furry fandom is also a fairly dangerous place for pups such as yourself. Pedophilia, Grooming, brainwashing, and so forth are.. abhorrently abundant in the fandom.

It’s possible that people are hiding their hatred of therianthropy from you in the favor of grooming you further.

As someone who entered the Brony & Furry fandom at the age of 11 and experienced the brunt-end of the pedophilia, I would highly recommend that you choose your furry peers wisely.

Just.. be careful.
It’s a good community and it’s a fun hobby, but the malicious WILL happily seek you out and target you, given the chance.


There's a study that actually shows that to be false. While it certainly does exist in the fandom that is true of all online fandoms, pups just need to be careful no mater where they are. Truth is there is no actual higher rate of any crimes in the furry fandom then there is in the general public, infact it has been proven to be imperically lower on average. The relevent studdy which is backed by several universities and funded by canadian government grants is located here if you would like to read: Furscience

As for the hate of the Therian community I would say it is a very very small group that actively hates the Therian community, mostly hold outs from the burned furs group which ran rampant in the late 90's and early 00's by and large teh community has warmed to the therian community and many conventions even host therian specific panels and you will often find many therian items for sale at the dealer dens. Be careful not to let a loud vocal few speak for the majority.

(This post was last modified: 2024-01-06 4:52 by Siris.)
2024-01-06 4:49
Save
Quote
Give Thanks
ViaraAmethyst
Member is Offline
A Concoction
Theriotype: Geoffroy’s Cat, Copperhead
Experience: Therian
Connection: Psychological, Spiritual
Reputation: 3
Contribution: tick 
.$team..$team.

.
Post: #6
RE: "Coming Out" - A Youngster's Guide

(2024-01-06 4:49)Siris Wrote:  There's a study that actually shows that to be false. While it certainly does exist in the fandom that is true of all online fandoms, pups just need to be careful no mater where they are. Truth is there is no actual higher rate of any crimes in the furry fandom then there is in the general public, infact it has been proven to be imperically lower on average. The relevent studdy which is backed by several universities and funded by canadian government grants is located here if you would like to read: Furscience

As for the hate of the Therian community I would say it is a very very small group that actively hates the Therian community, mostly hold outs from the burned furs group which ran rampant in the late 90's and early 00's by and large teh community has warmed to the therian community and many conventions even host therian specific panels and you will often find many therian items for sale at the dealer dens. Be careful not to let a loud vocal few speak for the majority.


I totally understand where you're coming from and totally appreciate the scientific outlook on the situation,
However the experience that i have had over the course of more than 10 years in the fandom and 9 years of doing furry commission work is... rather significantly contradictory to.. everything you just said lol.


(2024-01-06 5:01)ViaraAmethyst Wrote:  

(2024-01-06 4:49)Siris Wrote:  There's a study that actually shows that to be false. While it certainly does exist in the fandom that is true of all online fandoms, pups just need to be careful no mater where they are. Truth is there is no actual higher rate of any crimes in the furry fandom then there is in the general public, infact it has been proven to be imperically lower on average. The relevent studdy which is backed by several universities and funded by canadian government grants is located here if you would like to read: Furscience

As for the hate of the Therian community I would say it is a very very small group that actively hates the Therian community, mostly hold outs from the burned furs group which ran rampant in the late 90's and early 00's by and large teh community has warmed to the therian community and many conventions even host therian specific panels and you will often find many therian items for sale at the dealer dens. Be careful not to let a loud vocal few speak for the majority.


I totally understand where you're coming from and totally appreciate the scientific outlook on the situation,
However the experience that i have had over the course of more than 10 years in the fandom and 9 years of doing furry commission work is... rather significantly contradictory to.. everything you just said lol.


I would absolutely love to discuss this more, however i dont want this thread to become more about furries than about the primary point of the guide. So you can totally shoot me a dm in discord or @ me in one of the chats


[Image: IMG_6932.png?ex=65698c0b&is=6557...9&]
(This post was last modified: 2024-01-06 5:05 by ViaraAmethyst.)
2024-01-06 5:01
Save
Quote
Give Thanks
Siris
Member is Offline
Shaker of stick
Theriotype: Kitsune
Experience: Therian, Otherkin
Connection: Psychological, Spiritual
Reputation: 26
Contribution: tick tick 
.$team.

Post: #7
RE: "Coming Out" - A Youngster's Guide

(2024-01-06 5:01)ViaraAmethyst Wrote:  

(2024-01-06 4:49)Siris Wrote:  There's a study that actually shows that to be false. While it certainly does exist in the fandom that is true of all online fandoms, pups just need to be careful no mater where they are. Truth is there is no actual higher rate of any crimes in the furry fandom then there is in the general public, infact it has been proven to be imperically lower on average. The relevent studdy which is backed by several universities and funded by canadian government grants is located here if you would like to read: Furscience

As for the hate of the Therian community I would say it is a very very small group that actively hates the Therian community, mostly hold outs from the burned furs group which ran rampant in the late 90's and early 00's by and large teh community has warmed to the therian community and many conventions even host therian specific panels and you will often find many therian items for sale at the dealer dens. Be careful not to let a loud vocal few speak for the majority.


I totally understand where you're coming from and totally appreciate the scientific outlook on the situation,
However the experience that i have had over the course of more than 10 years in the fandom and 9 years of doing furry commission work is... rather significantly contradictory to.. everything you just said lol.


(2024-01-06 5:01)ViaraAmethyst Wrote:  

(2024-01-06 4:49)Siris Wrote:  There's a study that actually shows that to be false. While it certainly does exist in the fandom that is true of all online fandoms, pups just need to be careful no mater where they are. Truth is there is no actual higher rate of any crimes in the furry fandom then there is in the general public, infact it has been proven to be imperically lower on average. The relevent studdy which is backed by several universities and funded by canadian government grants is located here if you would like to read: Furscience

As for the hate of the Therian community I would say it is a very very small group that actively hates the Therian community, mostly hold outs from the burned furs group which ran rampant in the late 90's and early 00's by and large teh community has warmed to the therian community and many conventions even host therian specific panels and you will often find many therian items for sale at the dealer dens. Be careful not to let a loud vocal few speak for the majority.


I totally understand where you're coming from and totally appreciate the scientific outlook on the situation,
However the experience that i have had over the course of more than 10 years in the fandom and 9 years of doing furry commission work is... rather significantly contradictory to.. everything you just said lol.


I would absolutely love to discuss this more, however i dont want this thread to become more about furries than about the primary point of the guide. So you can totally shoot me a dm in discord or @ me in one of the chats


I'm not discounting your expirence and I'm no stranger to the fandom myself after my own 25 years but I do have to set the record straight that expirence or not the imperical study numbers do not align with your expirence and while you and I both have a sample size of 1 neither of us can outweigh the sample size of litteral thousands going back over a decade of study and we owe it to ourselves to be sure we are being accurate here so as to not perpetuate the very issue you are claiming to be encountering.

2024-01-06 9:44
Save
Quote
Give Thanks
ViaraAmethyst
Member is Offline
A Concoction
Theriotype: Geoffroy’s Cat, Copperhead
Experience: Therian
Connection: Psychological, Spiritual
Reputation: 3
Contribution: tick 
.$team..$team.

.
Post: #8
RE: "Coming Out" - A Youngster's Guide
Pushing the post up

[Image: IMG_6932.png?ex=65698c0b&is=6557...9&]
2024-02-18 7:27
Save
Quote
Give Thanks
Post Reply 


Forum Jump:


User(s) browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)