I don't think anyone ever really called me a monster before, just thought I was possessed, but a monster? Nah.

(2022-11-01 16:14)limearey Wrote:  all my life people has eather been scared of me, or liked to bully me. i have ben called a whole lot of names. but the one that has always clung onto me is when people scream and run away from me yelling that "here comes the monster! run!" thing. it all started with the monster one when i was getting beat infront of everyone by someone who was taking advantige of me for 6 months every day in a row all day long, then pulled a gun on me at his house pecause i refused to bow to him. the next day he started beating me, something inside felt like it cracked. i litteraly attaked him like a hellhound would. ripping at his arms with my sharp teeth and nails, then prouncing on him to the point he fell on the wood gym floor and i got on him and took his throught in between my jaws like i would do to my pray, and locked on with so much to the point 3 of his friends had to all try to get me off him. through the whole insident it felt like i wasnt the one controling me. it felt like i was on a ride. it scared everyone there, and even to this day 5 years later still makes even me scared of my self. idk why that happened... but i was trying to defind myself. i know that. but it still haunts me knowing that if they didnt get me off him 30 seconds later, he would have stoped breathing... is this normal to have defencive systums like this?? it scares me mostly that i could have killed him, and i couldent stop what was happining... is there anything i can do to stop this from happining again, or should i even be worried about it?? it's scarry...

I have had strong reactions when builled at school and in more serious life/death situations out side of it. I actually dropped out of highschool because of it and got my GED instead(not suggesting that's what you do). It was the best decision for my mental health, personal safety and others safety. Public schools are pretty bad, especially when you stick out.

I can relate to having felt like a "monster" and have experienced instances by family members treating me in a poor manner for ludicrous and insane reasons as a child. It's not fun, cause much wounding.

But it's your responsibility to gain deeper understanding of oneself, why you respond that way, and how to gain mastery over that response. For me I did not have access to any help other than my own willingness to learn and improve myself. I meditated, studied spirituality, philosophy, psychology and tried to understand my experiencs through this way. It's important not to just leave it at "it's because I'm hellhound" etc. There's likely many layers to it and the instincts you have from your kintype can just be one part of it. The human nature can be violent and reactive too for it's own reasons so reflection is necessary.

It's serves no purpose to lament what happened now and to fear yourself. Your fear of self and what you are capable of will only make you less controlled and create more of the same that you don't want. It will take a lot of inner work on your part to release any trauma from being builled and or mislabeled so as not to have pent up agression just laying and waiting to lash out. If you have seriously experienced these things and seriously want to master yourself it will take work. Professional help is always good if available to you, but look into mindfulness practices, meditation, and methods for self reflection and analysis.

(2022-11-01 16:14)limearey Wrote:  i litteraly attaked him like a hellhound would. ripping at his arms with my sharp teeth and nails, then prouncing on him to the point he fell on the wood gym floor and i got on him and took his throught in between my jaws like i would do to my pray, and locked on with so much to the point 3 of his friends had to all try to get me off him. through the whole insident it felt like i wasnt the one controling me. it felt like i was on a ride.

If that really happened, that's kinda cool in the sense that it shows how despite being a somewhat stereotypical thing of "werewolves" that isn't typically associated with therianthropy (like... anger issues don't make you a therian), it shows how therianthropy subtly shows through in our lives, in instances we can't really control.

Considering you were bullied, threatened and cornered, it makes a lot of sense that you attacked him (it's called a "fight or flight response" for a reason). What's cool is that you attacked him like your theriotype does.


When I was a kid when I played with my peers in ways in which wolf pups do. I'd jump on top of them in dominance displays and pin them by the neck. To me it was normal, to them I was violent and unpredictable. Kind of the way people regard wild animals. At the time dealing with being rejected for just trying to play with my friends was very painful. Now that I think of it, I just smile.

I'm an animal (monster). Rawr. Gotta feel that subtle sense of wolf pride in there.


P.S.: Fun fact: In science, the term "monster" simply means "example". I guess the people who adopted the term into the common English language attached their own feelings of the examples the scientists were demonstrating. Considering the context, I find this ironic.

LP,
Dusty

First of all, i'm sorry that people treated you like this. If memories of those situations still haunt you after a longer period of time, you should contact a professional like Vrydi said. For now, i hope you remember that i, and propably many others here won't see you as a monster.

As for your question - i haven't been directly called a monster, but the looks on people's faces or the tone of their voice when speaking after i attacked them to defend myself (even after giving a clear warning i'll strike if they won't leave me alone) is enough to make me believe they very much had thought of me as one. I don't really care about things like this anymore because people will be people and they're scared of things that are new and unnatural by their standards.

(2022-11-01 16:35)limearey Wrote:  

(2022-11-01 16:31)vrydi Wrote:  It seems like it was a very defensive reaction toward a direct danger.
If it is still haunting yourself after all this time, it might be best to talk about it with a professional.

Lucky you didn't kill him or you would've been in much more problems.

Hurting others, even defensive does make other peeps wary off you and scared. As they might expect it will happen to them some day. And your attack didn't seem normal to them so they do like they call all unknown scary things, monster.

2 more years and you will most likely graduate and switch schools and can start afresh.
people remember bad things, not good things. remember that.

thanks, and i actualy graduate after next school year. im a juinor

That's nice, idk anything about the american school system x3

You're welcome Limearey!

(2022-11-01 18:00)NovaFox Wrote:  

(2022-11-01 17:54)limearey Wrote:  

(2022-11-01 17:40)TheyWolf123 Wrote:  I've never been called a monster by anyone. . . other than myself. I've killed one of my chickens before. I don't exactly know what happened because I was so out of it or whatever you call it. But I remember one time in 3rd grade when I was taking a nap on the field at recess and some kid woke me up. I reared up and pounced-ish on his head and held him there while I bit the back of his neck. No one else saw because they were all heading inside. I feel how you feel, Limeary. I'm scared of the things I can do. It's part of the darker side, of having a predatory theriotype. The reason I felt inclined to attack the kid who woke me up is because for any predator in the wild, sleeping is a very vulnerable position to be in. So when I was caught in what my predatory mind thought was a dangerous moment I lashed out to protect myself. Same to you. You felt unsafe, so you protected yourself. It's okay to be a predator, it's okay to be scared and needing protection, but what's not okay is that humans associate that with being a monster.

ya, and it dont help me with the fact that i have hellhound in me and the animail im conected to does to. if it gets to bad, hellhounds will do this thing that we call "going dark". not only will we take out the attakers, but we will also take out everyone around and whoever gets close to us. its like the rabbies that only effect the mind. alot lose themselfs to it and get stuck that way. its even more common to happen easer in hellhound and hellhound mixes that have horns and or external flames. i have horns, but internal flames. its sad that they see me as a monster, that they see anyone as a monster really.

Dont worry. I do not think of you as a monster.

thx nova

(2022-11-01 17:54)limearey Wrote:  

(2022-11-01 17:40)TheyWolf123 Wrote:  I've never been called a monster by anyone. . . other than myself. I've killed one of my chickens before. I don't exactly know what happened because I was so out of it or whatever you call it. But I remember one time in 3rd grade when I was taking a nap on the field at recess and some kid woke me up. I reared up and pounced-ish on his head and held him there while I bit the back of his neck. No one else saw because they were all heading inside. I feel how you feel, Limeary. I'm scared of the things I can do. It's part of the darker side, of having a predatory theriotype. The reason I felt inclined to attack the kid who woke me up is because for any predator in the wild, sleeping is a very vulnerable position to be in. So when I was caught in what my predatory mind thought was a dangerous moment I lashed out to protect myself. Same to you. You felt unsafe, so you protected yourself. It's okay to be a predator, it's okay to be scared and needing protection, but what's not okay is that humans associate that with being a monster.

ya, and it dont help me with the fact that i have hellhound in me and the animail im conected to does to. if it gets to bad, hellhounds will do this thing that we call "going dark". not only will we take out the attakers, but we will also take out everyone around and whoever gets close to us. its like the rabbies that only effect the mind. alot lose themselfs to it and get stuck that way. its even more common to happen easer in hellhound and hellhound mixes that have horns and or external flames. i have horns, but internal flames. its sad that they see me as a monster, that they see anyone as a monster really.

Dont worry. I do not think of you as a monster.

A defensive response is to be expected given the situation you were put into. Humans are animals too, therian or not, and everyone has their limit. You're method of dealing with the situation was the oddity in their eyes - but frankly, push anyone too far and "odd" responses will happen. Thankfully, it could have ended worse. Perhaps it is good that you did respond as you did, as it could, and perhaps has, protected you from further physical conflict.

As for name calling - I have had it. I always got compared to a dog personally. I hated it often, but things don't last forever, and that past is far behind me now, and will only get further. It will for you too.

Although already suggested I can only reaffirm the point that if you have access to mental help, do try to follow through with it so that you can talk about this with someone hopefully properly equipped to guide you through your feelings towards it. Whether you have access to help or not tho, it will benefit your wellbeing also to find outlets (if you haven't already) to deal with your feelings at this time and gain self confidence. Things like art, craft, music, can all help - or physical like boxing, running, martial arts etc.

Anyway, be gentle with yourself, focus and look forward to the future when you will get to start fresh.

(2022-11-01 17:40)TheyWolf123 Wrote:  I've never been called a monster by anyone. . . other than myself. I've killed one of my chickens before. I don't exactly know what happened because I was so out of it or whatever you call it. But I remember one time in 3rd grade when I was taking a nap on the field at recess and some kid woke me up. I reared up and pounced-ish on his head and held him there while I bit the back of his neck. No one else saw because they were all heading inside. I feel how you feel, Limeary. I'm scared of the things I can do. It's part of the darker side, of having a predatory theriotype. The reason I felt inclined to attack the kid who woke me up is because for any predator in the wild, sleeping is a very vulnerable position to be in. So when I was caught in what my predatory mind thought was a dangerous moment I lashed out to protect myself. Same to you. You felt unsafe, so you protected yourself. It's okay to be a predator, it's okay to be scared and needing protection, but what's not okay is that humans associate that with being a monster.

ya, and it dont help me with the fact that i have hellhound in me and the animail im conected to does to. if it gets to bad, hellhounds will do this thing that we call "going dark". not only will we take out the attakers, but we will also take out everyone around and whoever gets close to us. its like the rabbies that only effect the mind. alot lose themselfs to it and get stuck that way. its even more common to happen easer in hellhound and hellhound mixes that have horns and or external flames. i have horns, but internal flames. its sad that they see me as a monster, that they see anyone as a monster really.