The long introduction of CustardFox

Since I am a staffer now, I thought it was time I made a rather comprehensive introduction to myself. I've gone through several changes since my original time here on Therian Guide. My original title for this was "Autobiography of CustardFox," but that sounded rather self-centered. The point of this post is not to say "Look at me!!" but more for people to get a background on me and the person I am. To give answers to those who seek.

My Life History

~ Childhood ~

Something that is often brought up to the older therians is, what was their childhood like? This is a difficult question to answer for me, as it was not wholly good or wholly bad. Because of this, I will not be spending a lot of time around this section of my life. What I can say is that I was always "off". My mother describes me as a very unhappy, sad child. I did not have a lot of friends growing up, and I was bullied harshly. I was sexually abused in my early childhood, and then abused physically and mentally by a teacher (this same teacher later went to prison for sexually assaulting one of the students).
That all makes it sound like my childhood was a total bummer, but I had a lot of good memories. While my parents were blind to the abuse I went through, they did spoil me with a lot of nature, farmwork, and vacations. I have many happy memories with my mother whom I am still very close with.
Despite both the good and the bad, what never left me was animality. I was always an animal through it all. From the very beginning, my first imaginary friends were animals, and I mostly only played pretend as an animal. I was very hyper-focused on animals and at a young age, learned every dog breed and owned multiple American Kennel Club books. When I was about 10, my focus shifted from dogs to cats, and I likewise learned as much as I could about them. Keep in mind, I worked occasionally on the family dairy farm too, so I learned a lot about cattle, goats, and chickens as well. This knowledge I hoarded was my pride. I felt that because I was an animal, it was my job to know everything about them. I saw myself as an animal, though the vision of myself shifted amongst animal representations. Mainly though, dogs and wolves were my favorite. I convinced other kids I was a werewolf on many occasions. At the time, I of course did not have the words for all this, nor did I realize the exact reason I felt like an animal and why I was obsessed with learning everything I could about them.

~ Teenhood, Early Adulthood ~

In my early teens, I gained confidence and continued my pursuit of knowledge on animals. Then, I started at a new school, and a lot changed. I hate that this happened, but I wanted so desperately to fit in that I really changed my entire personality. This was a bit of a dark age in my animality because I suppressed it as well as a lot of my organic interests. I was still not liked or accepted, though, as if they could see through the mask. I remember a girl in early college specifically insulting me by calling me vermin. It was such a random choice of words then, and very out of the blue contextually, but these many years later, knowing now that I am a fox, it seems to make some sense that she chose those words. Subconsciously, she must have caught on to my true nature as a "pest" animal (Fox). During this time, I fell in love with a man who would go on to be very abusive.
We got married at a very young age. In my early 20's I started to go back to my true animal self again. I joined this forum at this time, about 2019. My Ex was accepting for a while, but then turned abusive. He had BPD and was going off the rails. I have removed the details to protect myself for the time being. During this time, my own mental health was very fickle. I reached out to people here and other therian chats for help, but it was either ignored or not recognized. I truthfully still hold some bitterness toward a few people who could have helped me but didn't. But they themselves seem to be gone for the most part from the community.
After 3 years of marriage, his abuse hit a peak, and I was put in a mental hospital. I think this was a time when I came to myself and realized this was never going to work. We divorced, but the evidence was not enough, and I still have to see him every week, as he was awarded partial custody of our kid.

~ Rebuilding my Life ~

After that, I moved in with my parents and got therapy for my PTSD and medication for my OCD. I also began dating my now-partner, Avabo. This is the point where my life began rebuilding. It took a long time, but I am now about 2 years out from the divorce, have graduated from college, and have gotten a job in animal care. Avabo has been an ideal partner that has allowed me to have my therianthropy on full display and eventually be able to come to my theriotype- A Fox. I am still working on rebuilding, and truthfully, I feel very behind when it comes to other humans my age, but it's not about that. Everyone's race is their own, and I shouldn't compare.

My mistaken kintypes and their explanations

While I don't think everyone needs to explain every one of their kintypes, I am often asked about my long journey and many switches before getting to where I am, so I offer this explanation.
Foxes are like many animals rolled into one. This is what initially confused me.
Cats and Dogs: I have had both feline (snow leopard, domestic cat) kintypes, and dog kintypes (wolf, domestic dog). These I now see as mistaken identities because I was far more familiar with cats and dogs throughout my life than I ever was with foxes. I, weirdly, remember meditating and seeing a fox before way back in about 2020, and I specifically decided to ignore it. The fox was slumbering, which, looking back, I wonder if that was a sign I hadn't awakened yet. I think I wasn't ready at that point.
Rabbits: Rabbits are a creature I still have a strong affinity for. At the end of the day, they are not me, though. It makes sense that I would think I was one, as foxes and rabbits share certain things. Habitats and living in burrows specifically. Things that a cat and dog don't typically do so again, it was a case of familiarity. I still cannot see a rabbit being harmed without being deeply upset.
Dragon: My dragon kintype came to me in my moments of the worst abuse in my old relationship. I think that this was a mistaken kintype. I think the dragon I felt was not me, but a spirit protecting me. I do not think I could have survived the ordeal without dragon strength to get me through it.
So...Why Foxes?
It's hard to say what exactly made me realize. It was like a slow realization and a small "click". I have always shared many traits with foxes, and I found fox kintypes annoying previously. Perhaps that was my projection of self-loathing. I find that I relate a lot to other foxes even if we don't get along. Maybe it's BECAUSE we are foxes that we don't always get along. Fox behaviors are ones that come very naturally to me, without me watching foxes do it. I have on multiple occasions watched videos just to find foxes doing things that I do and being like "GAH that's me?!". Their fur is my favorite color.
Truthfully, I think my history of abuse and mental illness led me to a lot of disillusionment, and when I truly healed, that was when I truly found myself as what I was. I have the nagging feeling that I was stupid for not seeing it before. Hindsight is 20/20, as they say, and looking back, the answer was in front of my snout the whole time. I think my journey is unique to humble me, for one, and for two, to give hope to those struggling. I think everyone will get out of the fog eventually and find their true selves.

Me Now: Personality, responsibilities, and interests

I think I have grown a lot in my time as a human on Earth. As of this post (May 2025), I am employed as a Pet Care Specialist. I mainly work with dogs. I work long hours. I also have a child from the previous marriage who is a toddler now. Between those two things, I keep very busy quite often. If my activity ever has long gaps, it's safe to assume those are the reasons why.
My personality is hard to define outside of "gremlin energy". I think I have a half and half mixture of serious and unserious in me. I rarely have ill will, but just due to my nature and methods of communication, a lot of people misconstrue me as mean or making fun of them. I much prefer that if you feel this way with me that you speak to me about it and allow me the chance to apologize and explain myself. I think as I interact with you all more, you will come to realize this with me. To me, information and knowledge are vital and I feel it is my duty to share it and this often comes off as patronizing or rude. Again, just talk to me.
I have a very wide variety of interests. I figured bullet form is easier to read here.

• Junk Journaling
• Reading
• Writing
• Foxes
• Collecting PomPomPurins
• Drawing
• Painting
• Talking about motherhood
• Animal health and safety
• Vulture Culture
• Wolves
• Werewolves
• Philosophy
• Witchcraft
• Nature
• Furries
  

Thank you to anyone who read that. I hope this has given you a better insight into my head.