Am I Therian? A Journey of Discovery.

(2018-03-11 3:33)Kaitsev Wrote:  It's been several years.

drums fingers on desk

Friends, I've had struggles.

So many things have happened since I wrote this post that have made me question my theriotype... and regardless of how (for some reason) infuriating this process is for me... I'm okay with that.

It's a process. For some it's instinctual and they're happy with that result. Maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist. I don't know.

If you're curious about how I'm reasoning through the current struggle feel free to read the last few posts on page 9 and carrying on into 10 of my Journal.

Kaitsev's Journal Entry #90

My personality fits a fox so much better than it ever really has a wolf or a leopard, and yet I'm thankful that for so long I was enthusiastic about my "discoveries" about the wolf and the leopard because it lead me to where I am now.

At the same time, it also makes sense that I simply haven't found the animal that actually fits me.

I know doubts are common among the community, but I'm unsure of whether or not it's really talked about much.

First of all, if your type changes over the years, it's okay...

A lot of people have a fear of being wrong so they refuse to either a) state a type at all b) keep searching.

You're incredibly complex. There are millions of creatures on the planet. Will you ever truly find the one? I suppose, mathematically that's nearly impossible.

There are several forums in therian-guide that discuss why certain animals seem to be more popularly picked than others (great discussions if you're interested for more information on discovery) so I won't go into those details as much here, but I would like to say that regardless of whatever type you pick, if you think it fits you, then it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.

This community is very accepting of everyone's process of discovery. That's the main reason I decided to stay (and return after a 3 year hiatus). Everything here is about processes.

Even if you end up finding 10 years down the road that you were wrong, it's okay to be proud of what/who you are now because if you spend all your time second guessing yourself and being concerned with how wrong you might be, you'll never really get to experience your type to figure out whether or not it does fit.

No one chooses to be therian, but we do end up figuring out, one small step at a time, who we really are. We do this just as much here as we do in real life, and the fact of the matter is that both parts of you grow, both change, everything changes.

I want to encourage anyone who potentially comes back to read this old post that you're doing great. Whether you're unsure, whether you're confident... it doesn't matter as long as you allow yourself to continue learning.

I thrive on learning more about myself. Learning how I (and other people work) is my favorite thing to do, so while it's infuriating sometimes because I still can't seem to hammer down something official that I'm permanently at peace with, I remind myself that I'm not less than others because I don't know. Others aren't wiser than I am because they are. There is knowledge, but theories must continue to be tested and refined. Nothing is ever quite perfect, so please, my friends, don't be hard on yourself if you struggle with wanting to be.

Continue to learn. I promise you, no matter where you are in your personal maturity and in your discovery, you're right where you need to be.

Best wishes all,

On a deep subconcious level, I really needed to hear this
Thank you

I'm glad! Hope you're doing alright mentally/emotionally/physically.

Best wishes,

Quote:Due to growing up in ignorance to therianthropy I never really comprehended what the remarks and jokes from other people really meant. Back then I just laughed it off and shook my head, or to placate them and get them to stop asking, I'd bark, howl or whine. They'd then stare at me with wide eyes and all the people in the vicinity would gather around and exclaim, "Whoaaa! Do it again!" "What- how do you do that?!" "She sounds like a real dog!!!" and of course by that point it had grown from just placating one person’s curiosity, to apparently being put on a stage to a giant group of students.

I haven't read everything yet, but this stood out for me. I would do something similar as a child and perhaps it was because I gained attention for it, but back then, people 'enjoyed' such things that I did. Vocalizations was one, running on all fours- the fastest in the class- was another. It seemed like I was a caricature for others to enjoy. They didn't know how I felt, only what I could do. I now don't outwardly share things like this unless it comes up- like a 'group howl' with non human friends during Halloween or something like that. In a way it felt really good to get those vocalizations out- but they bittersweet because said audience will never know the kin side of me- or even accept it.

Welcome *hugs you*

I'm deeply sorrowed you've been jeered at by idiots and short minded tailholes.
What you described as your journey is kind of the same in searching your daemon. Mind if when I'll write my post on daemonism I'll like your journey?

OMG, an awakening story 0_0

Guy, I am striving those!

I would be very happy if you'll give me a permission to do so ^^

Can I?

Roses and Snows,
Thorem

Hey,

(2021-03-08 23:41)Thorem Wrote:  I would be very happy if you'll give me a permission to do so ^^

Can I?

It's been some time since Kaitsev has been active on here, but this post is public and therefore you can use it as you like.

LP,
Dusty