(2022-11-01 16:35)limearey Wrote: [ -> ] (2022-11-01 16:31)vrydi Wrote: [ -> ]It seems like it was a very defensive reaction toward a direct danger.
If it is still haunting yourself after all this time, it might be best to talk about it with a professional.
Lucky you didn't kill him or you would've been in much more problems.
Hurting others, even defensive does make other peeps wary off you and scared. As they might expect it will happen to them some day. And your attack didn't seem normal to them so they do like they call all unknown scary things, monster.
2 more years and you will most likely graduate and switch schools and can start afresh.
people remember bad things, not good things. remember that.
thanks, and i actualy graduate after next school year. im a juinor
That's nice, idk anything about the american school system x3
First of all, i'm sorry that people treated you like this. If memories of those situations still haunt you after a longer period of time, you should contact a professional like Vrydi said. For now, i hope you remember that i, and propably many others here won't see you as a monster.
As for your question - i haven't been directly called a monster, but the looks on people's faces or the tone of their voice when speaking after i attacked them to defend myself (even after giving a clear warning i'll strike if they won't leave me alone) is enough to make me believe they very much had thought of me as one. I don't really care about things like this anymore because people will be people and they're scared of things that are new and unnatural by their standards.
(2022-11-01 16:14)limearey Wrote: [ -> ]i litteraly attaked him like a hellhound would. ripping at his arms with my sharp teeth and nails, then prouncing on him to the point he fell on the wood gym floor and i got on him and took his throught in between my jaws like i would do to my pray, and locked on with so much to the point 3 of his friends had to all try to get me off him. through the whole insident it felt like i wasnt the one controling me. it felt like i was on a ride.
If that really happened, that's kinda cool in the sense that it shows how despite being a somewhat stereotypical thing of "werewolves" that isn't typically associated with therianthropy (like... anger issues don't make you a therian), it shows how therianthropy subtly shows through in our lives, in instances we can't really control.
Considering you were bullied, threatened and cornered, it makes a lot of sense that you attacked him (it's called a "fight or flight response" for a reason). What's cool is that you attacked him like your theriotype does.
When I was a kid when I played with my peers in ways in which wolf pups do. I'd jump on top of them in dominance displays and pin them by the neck. To me it was normal, to them I was violent and unpredictable. Kind of the way people regard wild animals. At the time dealing with being rejected for just trying to play with my friends was very painful. Now that I think of it, I just smile. 
I'm an animal (monster). Rawr. Gotta feel that subtle sense of wolf pride in there. 
P.S.: Fun fact: In science, the term "monster" simply means "example". I guess the people who adopted the term into the common English language attached their own feelings of the examples the scientists were demonstrating. Considering the context, I find this ironic.
LP,
Dusty
(2022-11-01 16:14)limearey Wrote: [ -> ]all my life people has eather been scared of me, or liked to bully me. i have ben called a whole lot of names. but the one that has always clung onto me is when people scream and run away from me yelling that "here comes the monster! run!" thing. it all started with the monster one when i was getting beat infront of everyone by someone who was taking advantige of me for 6 months every day in a row all day long, then pulled a gun on me at his house pecause i refused to bow to him. the next day he started beating me, something inside felt like it cracked. i litteraly attaked him like a hellhound would. ripping at his arms with my sharp teeth and nails, then prouncing on him to the point he fell on the wood gym floor and i got on him and took his throught in between my jaws like i would do to my pray, and locked on with so much to the point 3 of his friends had to all try to get me off him. through the whole insident it felt like i wasnt the one controling me. it felt like i was on a ride. it scared everyone there, and even to this day 5 years later still makes even me scared of my self. idk why that happened... but i was trying to defind myself. i know that. but it still haunts me knowing that if they didnt get me off him 30 seconds later, he would have stoped breathing... is this normal to have defencive systums like this?? it scares me mostly that i could have killed him, and i couldent stop what was happining... is there anything i can do to stop this from happining again, or should i even be worried about it?? it's scarry...
I have had strong reactions when builled at school and in more serious life/death situations out side of it. I actually dropped out of highschool because of it and got my GED instead(not suggesting that's what you do). It was the best decision for my mental health, personal safety and others safety. Public schools are pretty bad, especially when you stick out.
I can relate to having felt like a "monster" and have experienced instances by family members treating me in a poor manner for ludicrous and insane reasons as a child. It's not fun, cause much wounding.
But it's your responsibility to gain deeper understanding of oneself, why you respond that way, and how to gain mastery over that response. For me I did not have access to any help other than my own willingness to learn and improve myself. I meditated, studied spirituality, philosophy, psychology and tried to understand my experiencs through this way. It's important not to just leave it at "it's because I'm hellhound" etc. There's likely many layers to it and the instincts you have from your kintype can just be one part of it. The human nature can be violent and reactive too for it's own reasons so reflection is necessary.
It's serves no purpose to lament what happened now and to fear yourself. Your fear of self and what you are capable of will only make you less controlled and create more of the same that you don't want. It will take a lot of inner work on your part to release any trauma from being builled and or mislabeled so as not to have pent up agression just laying and waiting to lash out. If you have seriously experienced these things and seriously want to master yourself it will take work. Professional help is always good if available to you, but look into mindfulness practices, meditation, and methods for self reflection and analysis.
I don't think anyone ever really called me a monster before, just thought I was possessed, but a monster? Nah.
(2022-11-01 16:14)limearey Wrote: [ -> ]all my life people has eather been scared of me, or liked to bully me. i have ben called a whole lot of names. but the one that has always clung onto me is when people scream and run away from me yelling that "here comes the monster! run!"
Yes, I was called names and disliked at school..
I think not without reason. But I didn't understand why and there was no one to explain it to.
(2022-11-01 16:14)limearey Wrote: [ -> ]thing. it all started with the monster one when i was getting beat infront of everyone by someone who was taking advantige of me for 6 months every day in a row all day long, then pulled a gun on me at his house pecause i refused to bow to him. the next day he started beating me, something inside felt like it cracked.
that's the reason.
(2022-11-01 16:14)limearey Wrote: [ -> ]i litteraly attaked him like a hellhound would. ripping at his arms with my sharp teeth and nails, then prouncing on him to the point he fell on the wood gym floor and i got on him and took his throught in between my jaws like i would do to my pray, and locked on with so much to the point 3 of his friends had to all try to get me off him. through the whole insident it felt like i wasnt the one controling me. it felt like i was on a ride. it scared everyone there, and even to this day 5 years later still makes even me scared of my self. idk why that happened...
I've heard similar stories before... and unfortunately from mentally unstable people observed by a psychiatrist.
(2022-11-01 16:14)limearey Wrote: [ -> ]but i was trying to defind myself. i know that. but it still haunts me knowing that if they didnt get me off him 30 seconds later, he would have stoped breathing... is this normal to have defencive systums like this?? it scares me mostly that i could have killed him, and i couldent stop what was happining... is there anything i can do to stop this from happining again, or should i even be worried about it?? it's scarry...
yes, this is a normal reaction (if it can be called normal). the state of affect (possible incorrect translation).
from your description, it is not clear what situation you are in and how you can change it... and how can I help you.
try to talk to the teacher about the bullying of other students, maybe he will tell you how to act so that it stops or reduces
I remember at one point somebody I knew was repeatedly kicking me. They were just playing, but I was getting annoyed with them and I asked them to stop. They didn't. I eventually just lunged at them and clawed their face. I scraped my shoes down their legs and stomped on them. It was kind of scary. Lucky for me they don't go to this school anymore, or I'd never be able to move on.
It's still scary. I get it. But the fear is slowly going away. Sometimes therianthropy shows up in weird and scary ways.
I was also bullied while in school in my younger days. However, due to my upbringing and fear of punishment (from school like detention) I always refrained from fighting back physically. I did have a reputation of being "weird" and I think that scared some people. Certainly my behaviors were different than those around me, which is likely part of why I was bullied.
Even now, in my adulthood, I have a reputation for being "weird". And I love it! I call myself a monster because I don't see it as a bad thing; but rather it's empowering. I'm one of the monsters so if you mess with me, you'll regret it. Rawr!
(2022-11-04 16:10)elinox Wrote: [ -> ]I was also bullied while in school in my younger days. However, due to my upbringing and fear of punishment (from school like detention) I always refrained from fighting back physically. I did have a reputation of being "weird" and I think that scared some people. Certainly my behaviors were different than those around me, which is likely part of why I was bullied.
Even now, in my adulthood, I have a reputation for being "weird". And I love it! I call myself a monster because I don't see it as a bad thing; but rather it's empowering. I'm one of the monsters so if you mess with me, you'll regret it. Rawr!
my dad has some of the same insidences like i did. they used to call him "shadow panther" because he would always weave in and out during fights like a cat would
(2022-11-01 21:06)DustWolf Wrote: [ -> ] (2022-11-01 16:14)limearey Wrote: [ -> ]i litteraly attaked him like a hellhound would. ripping at his arms with my sharp teeth and nails, then prouncing on him to the point he fell on the wood gym floor and i got on him and took his throught in between my jaws like i would do to my pray, and locked on with so much to the point 3 of his friends had to all try to get me off him. through the whole insident it felt like i wasnt the one controling me. it felt like i was on a ride.
If that really happened, that's kinda cool in the sense that it shows how despite being a somewhat stereotypical thing of "werewolves" that isn't typically associated with therianthropy (like... anger issues don't make you a therian), it shows how therianthropy subtly shows through in our lives, in instances we can't really control.
Considering you were bullied, threatened and cornered, it makes a lot of sense that you attacked him (it's called a "fight or flight response" for a reason). What's cool is that you attacked him like your theriotype does.
When I was a kid when I played with my peers in ways in which wolf pups do. I'd jump on top of them in dominance displays and pin them by the neck. To me it was normal, to them I was violent and unpredictable. Kind of the way people regard wild animals. At the time dealing with being rejected for just trying to play with my friends was very painful. Now that I think of it, I just smile.
I'm an animal (monster). Rawr. Gotta feel that subtle sense of wolf pride in there.
P.S.: Fun fact: In science, the term "monster" simply means "example". I guess the people who adopted the term into the common English language attached their own feelings of the examples the scientists were demonstrating. Considering the context, I find this ironic.
LP,
Dusty
i never knew that definition of a monster! i do take pride in what i am and the animail thats my therian type now that my ex told everyone. it can just sometime become overwhelming with the urge to attac to defend my self